Question #44676: Problems caused by her brothers’ wives
Question #44676: Problems caused by her brothers’ wives
Question :
I am suffering from family problems, specifically with my brothers’ wives. They are sisters and are my cousins, but they create problems for no reason. For example, the youngest, who lives with us, does not speak to us unless we speak to her, and we are fed up with this situation. I get the feeling that she does not like us. Her sister, who married my oldest brother four years ago, has changed and she started to come to visit us as if it was a duty that she was doing, i.e., she comes but does not talk, and now her daughters have gotten used to this way. They started to cause problems for us with our brothers until my mother decided to tell my oldest brother not to bring his wife into our house, so as to avoid the problems they cause. Please note that we do not bear any grudge towards them. Does this have anything to do with severing family ties? Please advise us, may Allaah reward you with good.
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
Upholding family ties is an important obligation that holds a high position in Islam. It is sufficient to note that Allaah said to kinship (al-rahm) in the hadeeth qudsi: “Would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?” Narrated by al-Bukhaari(4552) and Muslim (2554). We have explained that in detail in the answer to question no. 4631.
Once this is understood, then you must do your best to deal with this issue. Try to reach an understanding with your brother on this matter, and explain to him what has happened between his wife and his mother and you, without interfering in his wife’s affairs or hurting his feelings; that would only make matters worse and would not solve anything. If you cannot manage that, then try to treat your brother’s wife well, because people usually like to be treated kindly and it makes them more likely to respond in kind.
If things do not improve, then tell your brother to make his wife’s visits to his mother less frequent, and let him come without her sometimes, and with her sometimes, until things settle down. And pray to Allaah a great deal and ask Him to set things straight and to bring about reconciliation among you.
You can also mention to your mother some of the good things that his wife does, and turn a blind eye to her faults so as to bring about reconciliation. Do not be among those who, when they see a fault, are quick to broadcast it and tell everyone about it. That is a kind of malicious gossip that leads to a breakdown in relationships and family ties.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
Question :
I am suffering from family problems, specifically with my brothers’ wives. They are sisters and are my cousins, but they create problems for no reason. For example, the youngest, who lives with us, does not speak to us unless we speak to her, and we are fed up with this situation. I get the feeling that she does not like us. Her sister, who married my oldest brother four years ago, has changed and she started to come to visit us as if it was a duty that she was doing, i.e., she comes but does not talk, and now her daughters have gotten used to this way. They started to cause problems for us with our brothers until my mother decided to tell my oldest brother not to bring his wife into our house, so as to avoid the problems they cause. Please note that we do not bear any grudge towards them. Does this have anything to do with severing family ties? Please advise us, may Allaah reward you with good.
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
Upholding family ties is an important obligation that holds a high position in Islam. It is sufficient to note that Allaah said to kinship (al-rahm) in the hadeeth qudsi: “Would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?” Narrated by al-Bukhaari(4552) and Muslim (2554). We have explained that in detail in the answer to question no. 4631.
Once this is understood, then you must do your best to deal with this issue. Try to reach an understanding with your brother on this matter, and explain to him what has happened between his wife and his mother and you, without interfering in his wife’s affairs or hurting his feelings; that would only make matters worse and would not solve anything. If you cannot manage that, then try to treat your brother’s wife well, because people usually like to be treated kindly and it makes them more likely to respond in kind.
If things do not improve, then tell your brother to make his wife’s visits to his mother less frequent, and let him come without her sometimes, and with her sometimes, until things settle down. And pray to Allaah a great deal and ask Him to set things straight and to bring about reconciliation among you.
You can also mention to your mother some of the good things that his wife does, and turn a blind eye to her faults so as to bring about reconciliation. Do not be among those who, when they see a fault, are quick to broadcast it and tell everyone about it. That is a kind of malicious gossip that leads to a breakdown in relationships and family ties.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
posted by Muhammed Mustharshid at 12:15 PM
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